10 Ways to Evolve Your Inner Up Tightness

Posted on January 4, 2012 by soulcoach

Stop.
So much of what we do is on automatic. Our motives are often predictable patterns we keep engaging without any real thought. What outcome or experience do you want this year that you’ve not yet had in this life time? Patterns are great if your designing clothing but for anything else it’s just old shit that holds you back. So stop or at least slow it way down. That reminds of one of the women interviewed for the Vagina Monologues, when asked, what kind of sign would your vagina have if it had one she replied “slooooow down”. Slow love is richer that the train we find ourselves on. You know what I mean, the train that leaves the behavioral station taking all your choices off the table. No one is going to stop you – you’ve got a destination. But honey, you’ve been to that place before. Nirvana, bliss, peace live in new places. I suggest you pack all your boxes (behaviors, thoughts and structures that don’t work for you) put them on that train and you walk in a different direction.

Give-Away.
In the Native American tradition we have a ceremony called A Give Away. This is when you take something personal to you that you love and give to someone you love as a way to honor and thank them for being in your life. You can also purchase something you know they need and give it from love. One of the greatest gifts we can give others is our time.

Give yourself away. Some ideas: volunteering to hold a premature baby, wash and comb the hair of the elderly, sit and listen to their stories (so rich they are), walk and stroke an animal at a shelter, build a home, dig a well, babysit for an overworked family, hangout with the dying; you get it.  A give away is one of the most self loving things you can do. Yes, self loving. You are not just giving away your time you giving your heart, your love and what you get back is buckets of compassion and wisdom you can’t get in a retreat or from a book. And…..take your children. Teach them the gift of giving. Give it away, again and again.

Speak Peace and You Will Become Peaceful.
I’m a big proponent of languaging evolution. We do language our reality. What we think, influences how we speak and ultimately what we will do. If you change anyone of those you change them all. Language, words, have either a resonance or a dissonance. The definition of resonance is: the quality in a sound of being deep, full, and reverberating. Who doesn’t want to be that!
A resonant language is one that informs you rather than you using language to inform. You become the words you speak. You are influenced by the language rather than trying to influence (or ehmm manipulate). A resonant language is one that verb based (or nouns used as verbs). Verbs in this context are about living in a continuum – not necessarily about action. Start by swapping resonant words for words that may not be bringing the resonance you want. For example instead of using the word “calm” use the word “peace” then you’ll have more of peace (remember what you speak is what you will do and who you become). Try communion for meeting. Opt in to glorious for good. Identify the “holy” moments in your life. Give grace  to others. Contemplate the divinity  in yourself and others and see what words want to fall out of your mouth. I promise, it will be precious.

Stay.
I’m a runner.  I say am vs. was because it’s a practice every time. When I get hurt I get afraid and then I get angry. Instead of dealing with my anger and my hurt and confronting the situation I run away and do the blame game. Because I’m good with words I’m very convincing about the justification to run. The day came when my teacher, my coaching mentor Henry Kimsey House and his wife Karen Kimsey House challenged me to stay. Now I say to you: stay with the pain, the discomfort, the awkwardness of it and stay with the emotions of the very thing you want to run away from. Stop making  it about them or the circumstances and stay with you. It’s uncomfortable for sure but if you learn to stay you get this huge bonus; its called courage. Courage is about softening up and staying with discomfort for the intention of something grander than being right.  For me it was about being devoted to love of the other than the fear of  the pain (and the story I made up about the pain). Love compelled me to stay; to stay the hurt away. Here’s another bonus of staying; it’s no longer about confrontation (which makes us all want to run) it’s about solution, it’s about the relationship. Even if you have to leave the relationship stay in it to honor the completion of it. Final bonus of staying; growing up, maturing, emotional intelligence, and transformation. Awesome, right?

Make Love.
This is not a metaphor or euphemism this about sexual desire and sexuality. Know that you have a body. I’m talking to all you left brain lizard heads out there who think you brain is the only thing that matters. You have a body! Get to know it. You are a sexual creature (no not just a horny one; a sexual one I say.) Not just for pleasure of sex for the pleasure of making love. They are very different. You will come to know that. Do something that is emotionally challenging with your body; like hip hop dancing, pole dancing, yoga. Swizzle those hips and stop thinking about it.  (btw, men I see how you make love to your ipad. Now do that with the love of your life)
Body movement of this kind isn’t a mathematical equation it’s a point of connection. Trust your body the way you do your brain (this will take practice). Get with your partner and share your delicious swizzle, explore their crevices and make hot monkey love. Oh, and talk dirty. Get help along the way you’ll need it.  I hope the last line was the most uncomfortable.

To everyone else, especially women, look at your body and touch it – all of it.I know that’s so 1970 but do it anyway and notice what thoughts or emotions come up for. Get comfortable with your luscious landscape. Forgive what you’ve done to it. Drop the ego of pride about sculpting it (that is not loving it). Feel the texture of it’s sensuality. What is its message to you?

Recently I was in the company of several octogenarian women who were commenting on how much they hated their thighs and butts. Really? I thought, “this is my future”. Hell to the no! Imagine telling your body over the course of your lifetime that you don’t like it. No. No. No. Not you, my friend. If loving your body is too much of a leap start with acceptance. See its beauty amidst the cellulite. Go get a vibrator and find out what makes you scream and giggle. That’s right, give yourself some pleasure and then share it with your partner.

Get nasty. Lingerie (for boys: colorful bun hugging underwear) that says “oh no you don’t” but you do anyway is where I’m suggesting you go. Please stop wearing clothing that hides you. I’m not asking you to look like you live on the Vegas strip. I’m asking you to encase your body with clothing that is a sensual as you’re starting to feel. Move your body and feel the joy it wants you to experience in that movement. You are one hot mama/daddy. Umm huh.

Forgive.
I know, I know, you’ve heard it a millions times. Hear it again. It can’t be overstated. Here’s the skinny on forgiveness: It’s not about anyone not being accountable, they are just not accountable to you. Yep, you got to let that piece, that they owe you anything, go. Piece for Peace my friend. If you hold on to that you stay tethered to the painful event. You are literally asking for the re-wounding to continue. Yuck! “For you I give release” might be a helpful phrase. Go back to #4 and stay with yourself to let go of the event. It’s a holy thing to be free. It’s were peace lives.

Dance. Laugh. Sing.
Now I’m in the 80’s. Hang out with me. We just don’t dance enough. I see you walking calmly with your ipod in your ears – girrlll shake that groove thing. Love, don’t you worry one bit about what we think. We’re thinking, “wish I felt confident enough to do that”. Sometimes is sounds like “that’s silly” but the truth is translated above. Your body was meant to move and bounce in glorious jubilation. There is no better way than to make love, open up forgiveness, give it all away, etc than moving those hips. I tell you what, you start to shake it and it breaks everything wide open. And while you’re at it go ahead and sing. Oh, you’ll be off key for sure. You’ll make us giggle and wonder again if we have the courage.

One day my husband was mowing the lawn with his ipod firmly in his ears. I kept watching is mouth move. He looked so peaceful and happy at the same time. I couldn’t figure out what he was doing. He’s not the type to talk to himself. Later that day I asked, “so what where you doing out there?”. He pretended not to hear me. (dude, we’ve been married 10 years that’s is not going to work) I persisted” so what where you doing out there?” Shyly he responded “singing”. I ran and hugged him. He was so darn adorable when he sang it melted me. I hope he continues.

Life is fucking funny. Belly, snorting out loud, I need to wear a panty liner, funny. I hope you laugh a lot this year. Finding the humor in life releases you into the zone of the sublime. Watch comedies, go out with friends, recall embarrassing incidents and post/share them. Laugh when you feel committed to anger. I still chuckle when I pass the guys who work in the produce section of my grocery store. I know they all saw my big brown cellulite butt when I tucked my skirt into my undies. Yes I did. I live in very small town and that was embarrassing but also HILARIOUS! Almost as funny as when I was teaching grad students in China how to dance when my Kotex pad fell on the floor. Oh, yes  it did. We laughed and laughed -totally erased my embarrassment and drew us closer together. They told me that if I could share laughter about that with them they could share anything with me. In an Asian culture, twenty years ago, that was a huge point of connection! xoxoxo

Wake with the Gods. Sleep with the Angels.

You, my love, are a god(dess). You are. You are capable of making it rain on a hot summer day. You may not believe/know/live that but you are. I’ve seen it happen. 1996, Big Mountain Reservation, three degree weather and Crazy Bull brings rain and hail. A man who believed in his capacity to act on the behalf of the Gods taught be to wake with the Gods and Sleep with the Angels. We are gloriously divine human beings with an immense spiritual capacity. Waking with the God(dess) means to wake up – look up at the sky and believe you belong right here right now. You don’t have to do anything else. No need to achieve anything. Feel that heart of yours brimming with delight. Go out and greet the day like you just won the lottery because you did. You woke up. Gratitude is an awesome approach. It’s like the energizer bunny commercials it just keeps going and going, giving and giving.

Sleep with the Angels. My elder Pablo Lopez taught me to go out and speak to the stars; particularly if I’m troubled and then go to sleep. Ahhh, the Angles are working their brilliance inside of you as you rest. Do you get that? All you have to do besides believing is go to sleep. And of course, wake up. Isn’t this a deliciously simple spiritual practice. Another way I say this is Wake up Joyous. Go to bed with Gratitude. I like the idea I knowing when you believe something it becomes so. There is no magic, there is simply a decision. A decision to listen in, be and do from the me that is you internally instead of the me that thinks its you operating from the external. Flip that switch. Since you have free will, stay with the will and dump anything that points to will not.

Do Nothing.
No, you don’t know. Don’t tell me you know because this is not a knowing thing it’s a being done with knowing thing. In the Native American tradition one of the ways we do nothing is we “go on the hill” i.e. vision quest. Where the only objection is not to have one. It’s time to be alone, to power down and be with the earth and the Creator. Doing nothing might be a challenge for you. That’s good, this is a blog on evolution. Evolving requires shedding and ripping off that old skin for fresh new skin and that might take more vulnerability than you’re comfortable experiencing.

Doing nothing, like spirituality, isn’t negotiable. No journaling, no t.v., no reading, nothing. Okay you can pray but nothing else. Just be. Definitely no thinking. No – thing will be an obstacle to your being. No thing. No thing. No thing.

Guilt Free Living – Once and for all.
Guilt is a moral or ethical indicator everything else is you being uncomfortable with saying no. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable and then you will evolve and become comfortable with you enough to say no without flinching. It’s a practice. Practice.

Who loves you baby?!
I do.
xo,
Melanie

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The Happy Pessimist

Posted on December 14, 2011 by soulcoach

I’m a spiritualist, a teacher, learner and lover of life. I am also a pessimist. I see the glass half empty, it has a crack and its leaking on my paper work of which I have no copy. Yep, that’s how I see it.

For years I thought I had to reframe, turn it around, flip my perspective to become the optimist I was sure I was. I was also pretty sure I would fail at this. I did. I wanted to be positive. I wanted to see the glass full. I wanted to put a positive spin on what I saw  but I could report only what I saw. All the courses and books on positive psychology mess with my mind and my sense of being.

I am seer by nature, I see what’s missing, it’s a skill, people hire me for my “seeing” ability. It’s a good thing when it’s not problem. I can say I happily see what is. I embrace the truth because I can see the potential for deeper, broader, kinder, wiser everything.

All this seeing what’s missing, pointing it out and loosing people in the conversation was becoming a problem for others and thus for myself. I could hear the complaining blaming that occupied the cracked glass perspective. What’s a girl to do? How does one reconcile being in the business of positivity while seeing what’s wrong all the time?

The truth is I, like many of you, am in the business of wisdom. The other truth is that I’m also in the business of trouble making and that takes some seeing of what isn’t but should be.

The wisdom that cups my ear tells me to be the true to thy self; that non conformity is resisting the temptation to give in to ideas of many, and that happiness takes the shape of it’s container. Happiness isn’t about the quantity in the glass but what it’s doing in the glass. My glass is busy leaking out unto the world. Yay, water of life aka happiness.

Today while I see what isn’t working I consider what love would do with it. I love the half empty cracked, leaking glass. I cradle the glass, speak love into it, because I’m coach you know I have to ask it thought provoking self reflecting questions, I acknowledge the leak as powerful choice and then I snort out loud – so see I’m a happy pessimist.

This coming year, hour, or day,
Just do you.
Your way is just fine.

Love, love, love, you!

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Distractions. Obstacles and Shiny Objects. aka pain

Posted on October 6, 2011 by soulcoach

I was on a roll. Inspired. Motivated. Engaged. Creativity bursting at the seams. And then it happened. Every distraction you can imagine came rolling toward me. It reminds me of a cartoon by Gary Larson, A heavy-set woman is being sucked into the candy store – she’s holding on to a parking meter, for dear life.

Do you ever have moments like that? Where all the sudden the dirt on the floor is more compelling that the proposal that’s due? Maybe you’re like me at you notice there is a one day sale at your favorite store and you’re already in reverse before you can discern your decision. Or you realize you “deserve” time, a massage, a break, chocolate, a round of golf, walk in the woods……

Those callings, those moments, are you’re worst enemy. I know you thought you’re enemy was your office mate or your in-law. Nope. You’re enemy is the fear that your gift won’t measure up. That you can’t or it doesn’t matter if you do. Call it resistance; call it Terence for all I care but do be called on it. Do notice and become conscious to those empty songs of the siren. Do hear that sucking sound attempting to displace your splendor.

The remedy is simple. (don’t you just hate that)

Feel the pain of self doubt. Stay with that pain. Don’t dive into action to distract yourself again because that isn’t a long term solution. Feel the pain of fear. Claim it. Acknowledge it. Scream at it. Cry. When you allow yourself to stay with it the pain it cannot own you. You, my dear friend, are not for sale. You cannot be bought with a chocolate yogurt cone. You can not be rented by the hour. You do not sell out on your glory. Not this time.

Now add equal parts of support. Go get uncomfortable by being vulnerable. Call a couple of people to help you out. Spill your tired beans and ask for the kind of help you need and if you do not know what you need then allow yourself simply to be held in their love while you squirm like a baby. As you squirm be aware of how your support, the folks that love you no matter what, hold you both firmly and gently until the seizure of pain quiets down.

Simmer this with something poetic like a walk in nature, our a song that has you a God be in the same place. Simmer on low for a hour.

The pain will dissipate. The ego will surrender to love. It always has. You have to train and tame that wild animal that has shat upon your dominion.

You are not your distractions. You are not subject to them. You are not powerless.

You are_________________________ (fill in the blank w/ your truth).

I am with you on this journey. And you are loved,

Melanie

There is nothing you can sip, eat, swallow, purchase, sniff, drive, do or wear that brings you to your knees or fills you up the way love does

 

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What I love about Wall Street

Posted on September 27, 2011 by soulcoach

I’m not going to even make you wait to read what I love about the financial melt down that the Wall Street greedy did for us. It is this: we now know in our bones that there are no rules. We are soulful  spiritual beings that are self governed by value of life and love. All the rules that I we were taught in school and in business are gone. Those rules were all about conformity not originality. It was about fitting in to some preconceived notion about how we should all act. It was behavior modification with a paycheck.

This a world, an economy, where no one has to “fit in” any more. A world where being appropriate is as dead as it has always been soul defeating. A world where the artist that lives in each one of us is liberated and thus now called to action to impart that soul wisdom beauty that will transform how we treat this earth and every living thing it holds.

If we didn’t believe before the crash, we do now, that following the party line destroys your soul, you’re creative epi-center. Our world is not falling apart only our false image of it is. Hoo-fucking-ray!

My shout outs doesn’t mean the journey from there to  here isn’t uncomfortable. I often feel like I’m wearing jeans a size too small; but there is spandex my friend. Stretch it!

Fear not my friends we are in great company. Every second someone is answering their personalized call to get on it. As Sandi Davis says it” I am at a time in my life where I will not strive for success. I will only engage.” (girl you have the velvet touch).
Chris Guillelbeau calls for non-conformity. (Yes, thank you).

Look, we are here to add our somethin’ somethin’; our no nonsense, our don’t fuck with that part of me. You have that mojo. You have the courage. You have a community to love you into expression of it. (you may have to go find them, but they are there).

You my friend are part of Creating Critical Mass. Critical Mass is the minimal amount of something to create or sustain a venture. For me the venture is transformation, evolution, love; that kind of groovy thing. It’s full of Soul. It’s Thoughtfully Rich. And it’s About Time.

There’s a movement happening – one of epic proportions and you’re about to be involved. Hold on— more to come

Love,
Melanie

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Soul Expansion Series! Evolution

Posted on September 8, 2011 by soulcoach

 

An experience in true change
8 Weeks. Certain Transformation. Soul-elation.

You can change, transform or you can evolve. Perhaps you’re on a spiritual quest for a richer experience of yourself, more peace, connection and deeper relationships; if so change will never quench that thirst.

Change is what happens to you

Transformation is what happens with you

Evolution is what you choose


September 26th-October 26th – 4 weeks
9:00 am pst Noon est, 11:00 am ct
$300.00


The path of Beauty, Truth and Love

A 8 week interactive day of the journey to evolution. 3 hours each month.

•   Understand the vast chasm between Change, Transformation and Evolution
•   Learn how you set limits on your own personal and professional progress
•   Discover the language that unlocks your spiritual development

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wise words

Posted on September 5, 2011 by soulcoach
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The Little Engine That Could. Maybe.

Posted on July 29, 2011 by soulcoach

 

It’s Friday, July 29th, which means it’s the second to the last day of the Sundance at sa’atoy reservation. Folks are getting happy but I’ve got to back it up to Thursday because it’s the make or break day.

The second day of the sundance, from my perspective, is hump day. It’s the day where my body is telling me how tired I am of being in three digit weather with no water. I’m wearing accumulated dirt from two or three days and acne is starting to appear. There is an odor that can’t be washed away with sani-wipes. And I’m not sure I really want to be here. The personality is in the house.

The Little Engine That Could – Maybe
Hump day is always the hardest because you want to believe you can complete the ceremony, but your body might be telling a different story. It’s not the physical exhaustion, it’s an emotional one. You’re deep in your own prayers and also you’re “hearing” and being with the prayers of the other dancers. All your pain and fears meet you in the sweat lodge and at the arbor and you can hear and feel the cacophony of the group. It’s a lot to waft through you. Everything you want for this universe, for your children, for your people is weighing in your heart. Is the Creator hearing the cries of your soul? Is it all in vain?

The Heyoka ( I miss Crazy Bull, RIP) comes in the middle of the harbor while we dance with a can of something to drink, pouring it in front of our feet – mocking our thirst. Or he’s eats watermelon in your face. Maybe he pours a bucket of water over your heard. (we all like the relief that brings from the heat but of course he doesn’t choose you). You try not to engage him, but he wins every time.

In the arbor, where we rest, the men and women are separated – we talk to each other, share a rock to put in our mouth to bring the feeling of wet back.  Joking re-emerges to lift our spirit, but even at rest in the arbor between dance rounds, you’re still in prayer. Some of your kin are wearing down, becoming irritable and getting snappy.  They are thirsty and drama is going to happen. You’ve been separated from your friends and family for  two and a half days and you need their support. Human will is no good here. You need to be reminded that you are needed and loved and on the right track.

So while others rest you walk out to the tree, touching it in prayer.  You hold back your tears, or maybe you let them flow, and you pray for a cosmic strength that melts you into a surrender that this day calls for. You don’t belong to you anymore.  You belong to the ceremony, to this universe, to the Creator, to all people and all life. You’re the little engine that could.
It’s raining up in Gallup. While rain can feel good on a hot day it  makes your legs and feet work much harder. You know you have to let go and as Californian as it may sound “you have to be one with the rain” or you’ll suffer.
By nightfall, you are so weary that compassion fills in the gaps your ego use to occupy and sleep takes over. This is a good thing, because while you sleep all the sundance medicine, the celestial wisdom of the star nation and the song of the universe, rewrites the story of who you thought you were and you don’t even know it – yet.

99+3/4 there
Friday comes and you know you’re almost home. Laughter is heard again amongst the dancers. We start talking about what we’re going to drink or eat when we’re done. We almost always get admonished for this but it’s too much fun to share the fantasy. There is a state of Joy that’s entered into. Our elders, John Funmaker, Pablo Lopez, George Martin, Andrea Lopez are gentle with us our fragile state of evolution. They guides us into the second half of the dance. The men are piercing today. The women are making flesh offerings and so are the supporters (thank you).

On this third day we’re pliable, more at peace and while little fires of drama might be bursting around us for those who have not relinquished themselves, no one pays much attention. It’s all part of the ceremony. You are where you are. You experience what you will. It’s all valid.

Day three glides by….. you aren’t doing anything anymore. You know who you are because you are the collective.

One Mind. One Voice. One Planet.

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Dancing to beat of a different drummer

Posted on July 28, 2011 by soulcoach

 

On a small but loving reservation in Gallup, NM my family is gathering to kick up some dirt, dance around a tree and lay down some prayers to answer the prayers of many.

 

Tree day was this past Tuesday. It signals the beginning of an evolutionary process some call the continuum. In the continuum events don’t occur in a linear fashion, you’re young, then you’re old, there is today and then there tomorrow – everything is happening simultaneously. Maybe we have to separate those experiences out as to not get overwhelmed. Humans created time to segment. But, I believe the soul craves something more unifying and cozy.

Tree Day

is the day when sacred forms a circle around people – calling us into communion. A tree must be found. We must hear the tree calling. Piling in cars and trucks we head to gathering of the tall ones. The forest.

Up until the moment we enter the forest to select a cotton tree there is joking and laughter and a lot of drinking of water. As we stand on the edge of the elders gathering (forest) reverence takes the lead. Quietly we enter. The drummers start the drums and the songs get sung. The wise ones convene, converse, look, search and stop at the tree that has given itself to the ceremony.

I love tree day because people are filing in from all parts of the world. Folks I’ve not seen for a long time, relationships get reforged and love flows. So much joking and hugging and pretending like we’re going to be okay without food and water for four days. We’re in it together. Except, again, this year I’m not there. I’m here blogging on it,  my heart misses them – it and so it goes. I write so I can belong.

When the tree is erected you are confronted by the majestic. (It’s the living example of Namaste “The God in me sees the God in you).  Prayer ties are wrapped from mid base to the branches. Eagle feathers swaying from the tree, indicating future events. Everyone get’s excited, you know that feeling of being on the precipice of the unknown. The context maybe the same but what will occur is always different.

Night falls and everyone hustles to get their crowns, wrist and ankle bracelets fashioned from newly picked California sage complete.  Pipes are cleaned for the next day. Everyone gets whatever food they want to be their last for four more days as well as liquids.

Headlights blind you as more cars creep in on the Rez. It’s time to go to bed. To get a little sleep if you can before they wake you. Women are squeezing into the teepee – making space for each other and the men settle in the open air arbor. You can always hear the petering of laughter from the teepee and the arbor as the quiet takes over.

The tone is getting serious.

Contentment.

Th e Fire Keeper has lit the fire and it will stay lit until it’s time to head home.

Tomorrow comes very quickly. Already a prayer has been answered.

 

 

 

Aho,

Melanie

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Beautilicious

Posted on July 20, 2011 by soulcoach

 

It was later in life when I realized how much beauty meant to me. When I was in my twenties I helped open the Saks Fifth Ave store in San Francisco’s Union Square. It was a buzz with celebrities and parties; glorious fun. Amidst all that hub bub what working with fashion really gave me was a love affair with life. Later when I worked for Hermes and saw how Bea, trained in France at Hermes, hand sew leather purses I was a goner. Her leather tools became extension of her love of leather - of beauty.

My jobs in high fashion were the door opener to a sensory based experience of beauty that changed how I saw the world. Being surrounded by the immense creativity that had to be expressed by these designers was a catalyst for unlocking the critical need to be self expressed. It cultivated my shoe and clothing fetish too (for which I make no apologies and eagerly share stories, photos and brand knowledge). The touch of a fabric is still a deeply sensual experience that titillates me to no end.

The embrace of beauty with my eyes inserted a kinesthetic resonance that began to show itself beyond the clothing rack. To be that fully alive gave way to wonder and treasure hunting I continue now.

Beauty’s gravitational pull is calling us all; be it in nature, a great conversation, a deep thinking speaker( like cosmologist Brian Swimme. He’s a poetic cosmologist) a long kiss after a storm with your lover or watching the enthusiasm of sweat drip off a spin mates as she sings aloud to Bob Marley. Your own beauty surfaces as you laugh and spit at the same time, and in your candor of courage. Be a witness to your beauty (can I get a witness!) and for goodness sakes see it in others.

Beauty makes my heart skip a beat. I can’t wait to engage with it one more time, to behold it, finding it in unexpected places and maybe, just maybe, to become it.

Beauty asks something of us, to surrender to our own malleableness. To know ourselves as evolutionary beings capable of reconfiguring ourselves as we expand and stretch.  Isn’t that the coolest? Beauty is always seeking us out - hoping for adoption.

It is the understudy of love. Our wise elder teaching us how to absorb it. It will find you and once found it pours itself into you making you a succulent bucket of gooey love.

And you know goo, it gets on everything.

Brown sugar love,

Melanie

p.s. don't google for images of beauty. It's incredibly disappointing.

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How Prison Freed Me

Posted on July 15, 2011 by soulcoach

Being a leader for the Coaches Training Institute (CTI) was an incredible path that kept me in a state of transformation. There were those gloriously fun moments when you got to co-lead with a leader you adored.

Such was the moment for myself and Helen House in 2004. We were co leading in Englewood Federal Prison. I was secretly confronting my illogical fear of being jailed while I taught; which raised my stress level considerably. Helen was being her brilliant self. I adored Helen – she’s has combination of fierce courage with deep vulnerability that is as inspiring as it is sexy cool. Here we are in front of 25 men who aren’t allowed to feel teaching and crying as we felt their pain.

Helen was the lead, she had been with these men before. The moment she walked into the room they all shouted “got your toilet paper for your tears Helen?” She pulled out a roll from her purse and they a broke out in laughter. Clearly they loved her as I did. Her compassion, her tears had reached them.

Somewhere during the training we became locked in a battle around how we delivered the curriculum. I was entering  fresh from a training where the owners had been clear about not changing the curriculum to meet the needs of the participant. “ Keep the integrity” was my my mantra. Helen hadn’t attended that meeting and I was adamant that she was doing it contrary to the owners desires.

Helen was clear that she was doing it exactly as the curriculum required and in keeping with integrity of it. After exhausting days of leading in an intense environment I sat trying to convince her to shift her teaching. We agreed that we were more dedicated to each other than the misunderstanding. Love ruled. Weeks after the event we tried to talk it out. Frustrated and exhausted we called a neutral party in, Elaine Jaynes, to facilitate.

Within 10 minutes Elaine had us pegged. After listening to each of us Elaine asked us one question and it was all over. All the miss-communication was dissolved by each of our answers. We giggled and  laughed at our silliness and virtually fell into each others arms. Elaine asked us “What does integrity mean to you?” One word; multiple definitions.

I bow to Helen for teaching me to put our love first and for staying with me in eye of the storm and not letting go of what mattered most. I bow to Elaine for teaching me that being understood undermined seeking to understand. (did I mention that as a coach listening is the first skill we learn?).

I wondered how often I used words to imprison others or myself. There is value is shutting up; in stepping out from behind the words to hear what is trying to be expressed. I’m a talker; shutting up isn’t natural for me. But, I’m also a student of love which asks me to listen into the soul of another. Beyond the words and the definition of those words lies an opportunity. Helen, my friend, my colleague, my teacher and my sister- I thank you. Elaine, you’re scary good.

xo
Melanie

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